I told my husband to stop calling me a “good mom” three months postpartum.
"Tell me I’m a good friend, teacher, wife but stop saying I’m a good mom. Everyone keeps saying that.”
It goes without saying that I love my son. I’ll even go one step further and say we’ve known each other before, in a different world. He was meant to be a part of my life. Whenever someone asks me now what my job is, I stick out my chest like Superman and say “I’m a stay at home mom.”
I’ve had many “titles” whether relationships or jobs or simply existing but I didn’t know how hard taking on the title “mom” would be.
For myself, there’s a lot of weight behind the word “mom.”
It goes back to the matriarch of my family and how she took care of it.
My best example is when I graduated high school I wanted to move out immediately. I did that November, fifteen minutes away from my parents. When I saw my grandma that Thanksgiving she proceeded to tell me how she put my photos from her upstairs living room to the downstairs because she didn’t approve of my decision.
That guilt-ridden behavior is the epitome of my relationship with my mom.
Even as I write this, I’m sure my mom will read, I feel the need to protect her.
Even after one of my sisters has now stopped talking to her, and my brother…
I feel the need to defend. Why?
I’m still working through what that looks like.
Thankfully through my yoga practice, I developed a deeper sense of self. I’ve also found more like-minded women, and sought out help from a therapist.
Now, I’m going through the challenges of defining the borders within our own home and figuring out what they look like. With an almost two year old, that means I need to continue to do the emotional, mental, and physical work away from him.
Taking the time away, helps me be a better version of myself for him.
I get to spend time with Little Clare and tell her all the things she wanted and still needs to hear.
And lastly, making it very clear that when I’m upset. It’s not his responsibility.
My job as “Mom” now is different.
I know now that it is to emotionally secure my child with his physical needs so he can freely focus his energy on growing, learning, and maturing.
And yet, easier said than done.
